Of all the birthdays I have ever had in my life, turning 25 is the weirdest moment. I woke up this morning on my birthday with a very weird feeling asking myself “Am I really 25? THE 25?”
My childhood dream vision of myself at twenty-five suddenly crept into my mind, a tall, slim and long haired, successful, high achieving young woman at twenty-five who has it all. Now that I am actually turning 25, reality strikes me. I barely have all those physical characteristics I dreamed of. I have not achieved so much. And, there is no turning back.
I am sure each one of us had a childhood dream of being somebody at a certain age. Most of my friends consider 25 as the most significant age when all in the childhood dreams are supposed to be fulfilled. But, how many of us are left with a contradictive reality, leaving us with the feeling of dissatisfaction when turning a supposedly happy-go-lucky 25? Who says that we have to fulfill certain standards to be considered successful in our 25?
As I reconsidered the outside world that has consistently influenced my life and my decisions, I came up with one answer: the media. Count how many ads depicting the notion of beauty and success that we consume in a day. Even worse, they haunt us every second and everywhere - billboards on the roads, trains, buses, televisions, magazines, radios, offering a ‘dream’ to pursue that surely can never be fulfilled. Having a uniform mental concept of beauty and success in our mind is thus inevitable, sadly without us being aware of it.
As I was giving thought to my childhood imagination of my physical appearance at 25, I suddenly remembered my father who, before he passed away, told me that I had to get married before I turned 25. Anxiety all of a sudden rushed over my body. What will happen now that I am not married yet?
Living in this society, I am fully aware that people are so concerned about girls and marriage time. Since normally girls get married in their twenties, they are usually put in a condition to start worrying when they turn 25. The pressure is even bigger when family, neighbors and parents’ friends start nosily asking with a pitying tone “When are you going to get married?” or “where is your boyfriend?” I was also taken aback by my uncle’s statement a few weeks ago saying that I should get married first before I continue my studies. It is as if being a singleton and not married is a failure. And vice versa, being married means a success. Is that really so?
As I was turning myself into a contemplation about the shoulds of the past and the future that chase me, I was snapped by the fact that I am passing adolescence and entering adulthood leaving the privilege of being a youngster who can do all the silly things irresponsibly and when trapped in the consequences could say “I am too young to know them.” Now, people will see me as an adult who should act in adult ways with all the responsibilities on my shoulders to carry.
Jobwise, I still remember when I was a student all we did was to meet the deadlines of assignments, papers, projects, thesis etc. And, when starting to enter working world, it was all about the enjoyment of trying something new. Now, that I have set foot on the ship to carry me through my working life, I realize that I am now working toward retirement or death only, the sole deadlines. Scary.
In lieu of happiness, I was overwhelmed by the feelings of inner turmoil, anxiety, doubt, loneliness and uncertainty. But, then a friend snapped me back by saying that I was supposed to enjoy 25, the age he mentioned as one of the prime times of life.
I then realized that most of my life expectations are not entirely my own choosings. They are the media’s and the outer world’s. That’s why I am in a crisis that was coined by Abby Wilner in 1997 as a quarter life crisis. Being in a crisis usually means putting one’s self in danger. This time it is the danger of being drawn regretting the past and worrying about the future.
Then, I kept asking myself questions. Why not see this moment as an opportunity and transform the dangers into challenges? The past has given us a lot of opportunities to learn lessons, and these can be our treasure to live a better life. And, the future indeed keeps us going with hopes. But, there is one thing that is not less important to think about, but we barely ‘live’ in it. It is the present time. Enjoying the present time to the fullest is apparently the answer of my crisis. The shoulds will always be the shoulds, but it is us that determine our own happiness.
Thus, for those born in 1982, happy birthday! And, to all twentysomethings, live up the peak of your youth! Cherish each moment and live it your way.
I am now on my way to my dad’s grave to ask for his blessings on my birthday and, most importantly, for an undefined deadline extension to get married.
Kb Lama, April 27 '07
